I am a mess right now. this is me, right now. Crying started and now can't be stopped. I started thinking, you see, about this past year. Now that I'm 'home', whatever that means, and suddenly it broke me down.
I'm not sad. it's not even that it's all over. It's just this strange overwhelming feeling, like 'this really all happened to me?', like I didn't make this up in my own head.. I experienced all of this?
Forgetting is scary, and it really really hurts, because sooner or later everything just starts to feel less like something that has happened to you, and more like a story you tell. I have these stories in my head, where I go when I'm bored, and the past 7 months have felt so out-of-body that it feels almost as if it's just another story I made up. These last few years I've developed this frustrating problem with over analysing existence, and the mental place I'm in at the moment says that life is only what is happening to you right now. You cannot be inside a memory, you cannot feel it. Memory has no time, no physicality. But this, this typing, I can feel it, I know it's true. And then life becomes the next moment, and the next, and everything else gets lost. 'Now' will be lost, and it will find another moment to call home.. and I'm not dealing with that all too well.
On another note, I went to a fernery today (-:
