1. You meet a lot of temporary people.
- I once read a quote that said "between the ages of 18 and 22 you meet a lot of temporary people " and over the year found it to be absolutely true. People I thought I would be best friends with forever and stayed up until 4 in the morning talking to became people I could barely exchange glances with in later months. Sometimes there is no reason, it just happens, but it's good to understand that although a lot of people you may want to stay trickle in and out of your life new people will always come along at the same speed. More and more I try to choose to notice those entering my life as opposed to the ones exiting.
2. Ditch people who make you feel like shit/toxic friends.
- From some friendships you get nothing. People will constantly criticise you, ignore your problems, desert you when you most need it. No matter how much fun you might SOMETIMES have with these people, ditch them. It can be hard to leave behind people you once had fun with, or thought you'd loved, but basically if you're getting nothing from the friendship (care/attention/support) but negativity then get on and do it! I had one friend this year who, although we had a good laugh, when I removed the humour that I began to feel uncomfortable with the more I learnt about feminism and sexual abuse, I realised I actually strongly disliked the person and that they had no further interest in me beyond the fact that I was a girl they thought they might one day be able to mess around with. Don't give them what they don't give you and then see if the friendship has anything left to stand on- often not.
3. People change.
- There are some people you will always deeply care for, but sometimes they just change, so be prepared for it.
4. Intense friendships are often short.
- There were two friendships I made this year that I believed would be infinite and remain exciting and joyful for ever and ever and ever. These friendships were intense and hilarious and shocking, and often times exhausting- but when all the excitement of discovering a new person disappeared I realised that there was very little basis for any friendship at all. No similar interests, passions, views.. We often see only positive and have a tendency to ignore the negatives because we are wrapped up in the fast pace of it all. Slow burning friendships, I have learnt, seem to have found more importance in my life in the long run.
4. To cook.
- Until I was 19 I always worried I'd never be able to feed my family or cook like my dad. But one day I woke up and I just felt like it. You learn eventually because you have to, and it became a thing I really loved.
5. How to be comfortable.
- When you go away to university you have a whole new space, and a lot less people who know you! This gives you a place to experiment and have fun with the way you look and act and dress- trying out different personalities until you find one (or many that make you feel good, that make you feel like you). Stepping out of your skin can be incredibly liberating when you know no one is watching, and it can enable you to be comfortable being a bit crazy when you are around people you do know.
6. Loving yourself is okay and awesome- take pictures of yourself.
- 2014 has been dubbed year of the selfie, and you know what? Selfies rule! Keep taking them, when you look absolutely spectacular or completely disgusting until you realise how beautiful you are. You are the image you create. Also, loving yourself. I've learnt that it's the most important thing that you can do, because when you are left alone, you need to know that you are important and wonderful and learn how to ignore the voices that spit hate inside your head. It doesn't make you up yourself, or conceited. You are allowed to think you are amazing, because you are. But, as much as you should learn to love/ value yourself you should also evaluate yourself. Be self deprecating just enough to be motivated in recognising and changing your faults (the genuine ones, not just the things that annoy the people you don't really care about).
7. Money runs out.
- $200 doesn't just appear in your bank account each week for rent/food/fun, especially if you go out for coffee everyday! Be considerate and conscious of your spending!
8. How to wear lipstick.
- Wearing lipstick has actually been one of those big things for me this year, fuelled by some good Lorde and pinup girl inspo. As long as it's done PERFECTLY it just makes you feel so good, even when you are alone. Lipstick is like a protective barrier and a projection of your mood.. Bright orange, deep purple, burgundy, or a classic red lip at Christmas.
9. Bodies change and that feels really scary.
- Leaving your family and the stability of good healthy everyday meals, and being subjected to the weekly party ritual of uni means that you will almost inevitably gain weight, but this is totally normal, as long as you stay healthy you're in the clear and you have to accept that you can't stay at a pre-pubescent weight forever.
10. Learn your limits with alcohol.
- I truly learnt this the hard way, ha. Have fun, just don't keep overdoing it to the point where you hate yourself.
11. Never be with someone unless you really like them, it's just unfair.
- I had an experience this year, with a boy, where I decided to date them, because I thought 'Why not! give it a try, I quite like him..???'. Nooooo. No no nope. Doesn't work like that, not for me anyway. I knew that only a little under the surface it didn't feel quite right. But it felt so wrong and uncomfortable. It also left me feeling really bad because I had been really unfair to a lovely person, by letting them have something they really wanted and then taking it away, rather then just not doing it in the first place.
12. You change.
- Other people aren't the only ones, you change for good and for bad, listen to your old friends and people who really know you to find out if you're becoming the person you want to be. There is no need to restrict yourself to your past appearances, and the standards others have put in place for you. People will always be trying to put you in a box, but that does not need to confine you. Just because once upon a time you never used to swear, and now you do all the time, or because once you laughed at a joke about blondes, doesn't mean you have to forever more. Don't let people give you the you're not 'fun anymore' or 'as innocent' bullshit. It's your life, not theirs.
13. Cut your hair / get tattoos.
- Although I haven't cut my hair of part of me really really wishes I would. Girls I know have gushed about the confidence and strength that comes along with a chop. I suppose really it is brave, as it casts off a lot of stereotypes. It teaches you a lot about yourself (I am told), and I'm eager to learn. Same goes for dyeing, shaving etc. hair is not permanent so have fun with it. Same goes with tattoos. Getting my little crucifix marks showed me things about permanency and reality that I had not realised. And to battle the constant argument of regret, I like to think that even if you grow to dislike the imagery you once wanted imprinted on your body, then so be it. It remains instead as evidence who who you were; what you DID like and how you HAVE been in the past; all this evidence of having lived life.
14. Shame/pain/loneliness/sadness happens.
- No matter how good your life is, you can't avoid human emotion, and that's okay.
15. Understanding it will pass and how much that knowledge helps.
- When I was at my lowest this year, this was the one thing that really kept me going. I remembered when I had been diagnosed with my illness a few years ago and I felt so terrible and empty all the time, but then I thought 'hang on, since then I've had the most amazing crazy happy life'. I know that life gets better, it always does, and it always works out given time. Be patient and wait for happiness to come.
16. How to be alone.
- You spend a lot of time with yourself when you are at university- in my case because everyone studied, or went home, or had work, or got too tired. This can be uncomfortable at first, but the nicest thing that came from this was learning to enjoy my own company. Singing, reading, writing, playing guitar, painting, listening to music, praying, SLEEPING. Even talking to myself out loud. The more you educate yourself about the world, and learn things about yourself, the more you like being just with you. Solitude gives you peace, a space to think, move the way you want to, and be a weirdo without surveillance.
17. Girls are not your competition.
- This is probably one of THE BIGGEST things this year has taught me- a combination of being around new people with different ideals, out of high school, and discovering more about what it really means to be a feminist- but there is no need to feel like you are competing with other girls. I used to feel like this a lot, and to deal with this I found small ways to judge and tear people down for ridiculous things because I was the alpha-female and I had to be superior. But then I figured, girls get enough hatred and judgement from the world as it is, and I didn't want to be a part of bringing down my own girls (and this extends to all people! Just stop being so negative all the time.) The more I encountered negative people who constantly bitched and moaned and mocked others I realised how gross it sounded, and in fact was, when I did it. Since having my eyes opened to this new way of living I have felt happier; purer even. Stick together, because loving girls is the best thing you can do for yourself and for them. And in a world without competition, everyone wins.
18. Read!
- Reading teaches you so much important stuff, and can inspires you to explore parts of yourself.
19. Trust god and surround yourself with others who do too.
- This one can be a challenge, but boy does it pay off. Everything always seems to work out, or at least I can see the good in it, when I put my faith in god. Being around friends at church and uni and just in life in general who were Christians was SO important to me this year! It is so encouraging to have like-minded people around you, when you can learn and grow together. I know it's made my life happier, because it's made me someone I want to be.
x
