Who would believe that after the last set of sad ramblings I actually managed to make something.. This last month or so has been partially wonderfully creative and fulfilling and actually enabled me to take steps towards a future I am excited for, and partially contained some of the worst weeks of my life filled with dread, guilt, shame, existential questioning and hangovers.
Which reminds me- i read a cool quote the other day that said "alcohol is just a way of stealing happiness from tomorrow". Is that not just wow?? It really struck me, like really really struck me. anyway, more on that later (well, probably, who knows...)
So here I shall take the space to shove some art in your face and also discuss the strangeness of this month.
I turned twenty-one in may. that big ol sweet age. I feel good about it actually. No imminent fear of age has befallen me (pretty sure the grammar in that sentence is completely incorrect but u get me bruv). The actual day of my birth was wonderful. I saw friends, ate good food, sat beneath fairy lights on our balcony and indulged in both. I was treated to the most insane spread of beautiful things, including a record player from my super rad parents!! However, the next night i had a 'party'. This is all i will say. With the morning hangover bearing down on me I spent about three hours crying into a Mcdonalds cheeseburger while my sis (whom I do truly love) yelled at me about getting my life together. This was a less good start to the month. however it did start the beginning of a mini revolution which included a lot of cleaning, buying a bed frame, knuckling down with uni and getting some bloody work done. As well, as some art... Woo!
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO!
basically i decided to start a little personal project, of jotting down some ambiguous lil expressive sketches in one of my notebooks. i started putting them on the gram. people liked them, thank the lord. Then a shop approached me and now my lil pieces sell in Modern manners on K-Road, one of my favourite places. these are some of them..
Also, this thing, my first proper painting, so called as it was the first painting that I completed that i did purely for me, not school, or uni etc, sold for some big $$. And reached over 120,000 nots on Tumblr. Although i still have a long long long way to go, my art platforms are growing and it's super encouraging to see people enjoying my work.
Yaayyyy so would you look at that! good things.Another thing to briefly talk about in this stupidly long post. I have been thinking a lot about the future recently. How radical, I know! I know that my life is not set out the way that the world is. I'm not meant to do what my family have done. I'm not meant to do what is easy. I do not know blindly, but in faith. Maybe things will fall apart and i'll be proven wrong, but why put that out into the world. As Casey Neistat once put it- If you choose to wholeheartedly follow your dreams then there can only be two outcomes. Either you succeed, or in die in the pursuit of something great, and neither of these is failure. Whereas, if you stay inside and let your dreams run away from you, there is a 100% likelihood of never succeeding. so why choose that???
And it is different if your dream is stability, or money, or a house and a hub/wife and children etc, but that is not how my mind operates. I want change and excitement and to experience everything I possibly can and I am willing to risk normalcy for it, as much as I am told that i should care more for stability etc. It's not that i don't understand that money is important. But it is not the most important thing. And really with only one life ahead of you why waste it trying to conform to a system that will only spit you out once your assets have rotted and withered away. I know I'm still part of that, and to a degree it supports me, but to at least open your eyes to it is a start.
Anyway, in more concrete terms: The Future. Next year is a scary prospect as i will be out of uni. i have no savings and little to show for myself other than a slip of paper hahahahahaha BUT, this year i made a friend who has unknowingly changed my perspective on a few things. I would never say this to his face (however if u are reading this you know who u are hunty), but somehow he's made me feel a little braver again and inspired me to BE me, and made me feel good about who that person is. So this year i will be applying for many jobs and internships etc all over, and I have decided to expand those horizons a bit, so we are applying for a joint internship in San Francisco. I know i am far from the best, but god I hope we can get this. I need change constantly and I feel SF would be a pretty good one, and if not, so what, life goes on but YOU KNOW YOU'VE TRIED!!!
I think i've also realised though that getting a job at the end of uni doesn't mean that change/life is over.
Cool. Good stuff, well done. Byeeeeee.
LOVE this so much :'-) x
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